The land of what ifs…

As I’ve mentioned before, I try to live my life without regret. But sometimes, that means having to leave some “what ifs….” on the table. When donating a kidney – the what ifs are numerous – what if a family member or sibling needs a kidney in the future? What if Lisa (or any recipient) rejects quickly? What if Lisa’s HUS comes back and it kills off the kidney (lovingly referred to as Brutus…)? What if something happens during surgery? What if I get diabetes or something else and I end up needing a kidney transplant? I’ve made my decisions about the kidney donation and decided the what ifs didn’t outweigh the potential benefits. Now, I’m faced with another “what if” and I can’t make a decision. I have a lazy eye. I’ve always had it, but it wasn’t glaringly obvious (pun intended) when I was young enough to fix it through eye exercises and an eye patch. Fortunately my left eye has always compensated for the right. But today, its official – my left eye sight is finally giving in to age. It seems that as humans move past 40, their vision begins to blur and we become nearsighted. Well, my left eye is finally at the point where it can’t compensate for both. The ophthalmologist says my right eye contributes very little to my overall vision. We’re talking a damn lazy eye! Anyway – the appointment was very eye opening (another poor pun). He asked me if I go to 3-D movies. I told him I’ve never sought them out because I don’t seem to “get them.” He said because it’s impossible for me to see 3-D. In 42 years and numerous eye appointments – NOBODY has ever told me that. But it certainly confirms why I’ve always believed 3D is a waste of money and why it’s so hard for me to even try to experience it. So, back to my dilemma. He said to help with my advancing age blurry vision problem – I could get reading glasses from the drug store. But, for me, they probably wouldn’t work well. But what he REALLY recommends is I get glasses, bifocals to be exact, and plan to wear them ALWAYS. Why? Because of a what if…. If anything happened to my left eye – I will be legally blind. Not legally blond. Legally blind. I will not be able to drive, nor read, etc. My right eye just can’t do it. I really didn’t have long second thoughts about living with one kidney and those what ifs. (in addition to the above – there is the what if I want to join a gang and get shot in the abdomen, or what if I want to start playing ice hockey or tackle football?) But this what if – I’m not comfortable with. I won’t be able to use contacts – those won’t be protective. Sure, I’ve gone through 42 years and nearly 11 months without eye damage – but is the risk still worth it? I’ve always taken great comfort in being able to decline vision insurance on an annual basis – the ophthalmologist said I should reconsider that too. He was quite the smart ass.

Anyway – for those of you who thought I didn’t do a blog last week because I had gained weight – WRONG. I lost 0.6 pounds. Okay – not stellar – but still a loss and overall I’ve lost 7.2 pounds. I’ll weigh in again tomorrow. Not so confident this week…..


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